


Our Arbitrary Destruction

by Hooda



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Battle of Scarif, Character Study, F/M, Hugs, Major Character Injury, Sad Ending, a little dark, elevator scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 10:14:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hooda/pseuds/Hooda
Summary: Cassian refuses to look down. He knows the feel and weight of a pistol like a schoolchild knew a stylus. When he refuses to move his hand by his own accord, Jyn does it for him.Her gloves were warm against his skin. With deft fingers, Jyn lifted his hand until it was level with her temple.Her eyes bore up at him.“Do it.”_______The elevator scene, but my way





	Our Arbitrary Destruction

**Author's Note:**

> After weeks of a writer's dry spell, I think I've concluded that I need a break. Cassian / Jyn is starting to wear out on me and I need to explore some new areas. I'll definitely be coming back to this fandom, occasionally. :)

He can see far enough ahead into the smoke to see that the lift’s buttons are still blinkering. They were still operational. The air  curled with tinges of blaster fire and blood.

There was a battle happening around them. Ships whizzed past and overhead. They veered uncontrollably, some coming so close, Cassian thought they would tumble into the side of the tower.

Jyn pulled him by the waist.

Wherever her arm pressed along his back, he could feel every nerve flare like fire. But he lets her pull him up. Her weight under his shoulder and along his side was the only component keeping him sinking to hit feet.

If he fell, he would let his body succumb to the point that his cheek would press down on the cold metal of the tower deck. The metal would be a pillow as he sunk into some shitty and inescapable darkness.

Jyn shoves his weight slightly and uses the hand that is not shoring him up to slap at the panel. Her fingers land on the button the first time and the doors thankfully open a second later. He can feel the outline of her blaster, strapped to her hip, between their bodies.

The world pivoted into darkness.

The door shut behind them with a solid _clasping_ sound. It felt the world had been closed out from around them, if only for a few moments.

With a mind of its own, the lift began to descend. The only way from the top of the tower was down. Light spilled through the ventilation cracks that they passed as the levels disappeared from underneath them.

Jyn looked up at him.

Cassian wished he were not dying. He gazed blurredly down at Jyn, with her mulled green eyes and dirtied bangs, and all he wished was that he could live one more day. He wished, in those calm moments, for one more chance; one more hope.

Cassian just wanted one more miracle.

He wanted to watch Jyn’s eyes gaze a him like they did one more time. He wanted to see her take in every part of his face any other day than today. He wanted to hope that there were a few more spare hours for them somewhere in the galaxy.

He wants to say her name one more time, without a battle screaming around them. He wants to taste it roll across his bloodied tongue and spew from his lips before they face whatever horrors await them at the bottom of the tower.

Jyn grabs his hand, gently.

Something cold and cylinder slides into his half-numb palm.

Cassian refuses to look down. He knows the feel and weight of a pistol like a schoolchild knew a stylus. When he refuses to move his hand by his own accord, Jyn does it for him.

Her gloves were warm against his skin. With deft fingers, Jyn lifted his hand until it was level with her temple.

Cassian watched as the little light she had left in her gaze towards him left her eyes. Only the reflection from the minuscule passing sunlight from the vents they passed illuminated her eyes.

The tip of the barrel of the rifle came to rest at her temple.

Her eyes bore up at him.

“Do it.”

“No,” he barely rasped.

Cassian tried to pull away his hand and the pistol, but Jyn’s grip was steadier. Her fingers readjusted against his skin. She tucked the tip of the barrel into her hair.

“Please,” she tried again. “Please, just do it.”

Cassian shook his head. His vision, against his will, was blurring at the edges. He stared down at her forlorn and dirtied face, digging for a way to negate her decision.

“I’ve got nothing left!” Jyn pled. “Just pull the fucking trigger.”

Cassian regained his composure.

When he ripped the pistol away from her head, he thinks she lets him do it. Maybe he was stronger than he originally thought to be, though his side was in agony and a nerve in his lower back threatened to make his right leg useless.

The pistol went clattering against the metal by their feet.

Jyn kept holding his wrist, only this time maintaining a tighter grip.

“You do not have _nothing_ left, Jyn,” he sighs quietly. His lungs burned.

“I’ve lost everything. I’m not leaving this lift alive.”

Cassian gripped her shoulder with the hand that was not caught in her viselike grip. His weight significantly toppled forward against Jyn, wether she wanted it to or not.

He wanted to wash it away; the doubt. He wanted to pick it out of Jyn’s aching heart so she could die a free woman, outside of that lift. Cassian wanted to pick out the little blisters of light he knew humans were capable of keeping within themselves and keep her from blowing it all away.

“I’m not going to pull that fucking trigger because you are going to finish this mission _all_ _the_ _way_.” He may have been slightly out of breath and his voice could have been failing to rise another octave in anger, but Cassian still put as much emphasis into those last words.

Jyn shook her head against his words.

He continued: “I’m not going to kill you.”

“Yes, you can. You've done it many times before, so I know you can now.”

Cassian shook his head.

“Not for you; I’ll never pull a trigger on you.”

Her eyes were so soft when he welcomed her home. Granted, the expression from more spur of the moment than planned. He just wanted to put an anxious mind at rest for the first time in too long.

She looks at him now, fully. Cassian felt bare as Jyn scrutinized every little piece of him, from his eyes to the stubble along his chin.

“Then what will I do after this mission?”

“You’ll find yourself and a home. You'll keep moving, keep out of the way of the Empire. You’ll be somebody that will be recorded for the history archives.” He thinks her eyes are watering, but it could just be his own again.

They were getting closer to the bottom of the tower. They were down to their last moments.

Despite his agonizing pain, Cassian pulls her close. The hand that was holding her should curved around her neck. For once, Jyn let herself succumb to the thirst of human contact.

Her forehead gingerly came to rest over his heart. She could feel the erratic pulses through the fabric of his shirt. He was dying, she knew, and yet he still found a way to keep her steady.

The lift came to a steady descending stop. For a few precious seconds, Jyn did not move. Cassian breathed heavily into the crown of her head. His vision was swimming with unshed tears and painful agony alike.

As they stumbled out into the silence of the aftermath, the world shook for a few moments. They did not have to look up to the sky to see the mouth from which the great green bolt fired from.

Waves splashed in the distance. Cassian pulled her towards them.

He had never seen an ocean up close before.

He wanted to see one now.

Ahead of them, Jyn could see the world disappearing into an inferno.

They stepped towards the beach and the inferno, together.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave lots of comments! :)


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